I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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