Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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