I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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