Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
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