1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
