I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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