Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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