Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
