You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
