his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
