I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize