I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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