What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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