i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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