I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
