my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
