i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
