im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
