marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
