my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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