Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
