Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize