The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
