i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
