i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize