Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
