I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
