i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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