NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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