I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
