When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
