Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
