I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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