Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
