yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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