grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize