Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
