how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
