I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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