You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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