I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
