i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
