I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
