Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
