I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
