Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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