update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
