it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
