tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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