she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
