You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
