Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
