You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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