Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
