I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
