I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True college students do jello shots in the library
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
