I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
