I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
