It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
