Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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