Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize