Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
