She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ate ashes out of my bong
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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