I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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