singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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