She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
