ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
