dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize